You're Fired! Arol Auditions for The Apprentice

I watched the first two seasons of Donald Trump and Mark Burnett's reality show "The Apprentice" and that was enough. While there was certainly some entertainment value there I never considered it something that I would like to participate in. I am not particularly enamored of real estate and not a huge fan of the Donald and therefore the prize holds little excitement for me.

Over the past few years I have had several friends tell me that I should audition, figuring, I suppose, it would be a good way to get "discovered" as an actor. I have taken an interest in reality show "celebrities" and have noted that while the exceptional or outrageous contestants seem to get their fifteen minutes of fame, that's exactly what it is - fifteen minutes. I consider myself a serious actor and, not that I am above using a reality show to further my career, because I am not, I don't think industry professionals take these people seriously. Sure, they'll get them commercials, movies and other reality show gigs, but it does not appear to lead to an extended acting career.

HOWEVER........On March 9th my email inbox contained an offer to be put on the VIP audition list for the next season of The Apprentice. Any UPENN alumni simply needed to email his or her interest and show up on March 24th. Perhaps some of you reading this also showed up? I figured, what the heck, I can at least go to the audition and, at worst, it would serve as a blog entry in my Hollywood Insider. There might be a few readers out there who are interested in hearing a behind the scenes account of The Apprentice audition process. So here goes.

In preparation for my audition I decided that I needed to craft my "story" to make my application as interesting and unique as possible. I figured that, especially with so many UPENN/Wharton alumni applying , another boring MBA in finance was not going to stand out - even less so, one in a sales job. Therefore, I decided that I would apply as a "filmmaker/producer" who had an interest in running one of Trump's entertainment businesses (either his burgeoning TV/media empire or one his travel resorts like Mar-a-lago). Through the application's several questions (including "Describe a major event or issue that has affected your life" and "Tell us something embarrassing about yourself") I was able to highlight my years in Japan and language skills, my divorce and my filmmaking background. When audition day rolled around I had my story honed and I was one interesting Apprentice candidate. (for those interested in seeing all the application questions, click here http://www.nbc.com/The_Apprentice_5/apply/A6-Revised_NBC_Application.pdf )

By the time I arrived at Trump Plaza on 5th Ave there was a line out the door and halfway down the street. It looked more like the line for American Idol for there were bohemian styled girls with guitars standing in line. Of course I strode confidently past the rabble in my suit and tie and politely inquired with a staffer where the VIP auditions were. He indicated to me to head downstairs.

As I descended the escalator to the lower level, there to my left was none other than the man himself - THE DONALD! It was a mad house of press and applicants all snapping photos of Trump shaking hands with various no-names (actually I heard a few of them were the winners from previous seasons, but I wouldn't have known). I fixed a confident stare in his direction in case he looked up and caught my gaze so he would think "hey, there's a confident man that I want running one of my businesses!" Well, he didn't look up, but I did have to squeeze by him to get to the end of the VIP line. "I brushed past The Donald! I brushed past The Donald!".

As I surveyed the scene I realized right away that my plan to wow a room of casting directors with my carefully honed story was not going to happen. Groups of eight applicants were seated at one of four tables with one casting director at each. I couldn't hear exactly what they were being asked, but I knew it was going to be less about each applicants' story and more about the chemistry and dynamics of the eight interacting with each other. As I stood in line with four other Wharton grads - one whom I had met at a Wharton Media networking dinner - I knew what it would take to be selected. No matter what they asked, the applicant(s) who showed an ability to lead or at least be controversial would advance to the callback round. This was not good news for me. Under normal circumstances I would typically be one who hangs back and lets others engage initially and then join the conversation once I am comfortable. I knew that in this case I would have to come out firing right out of the starting blocks (and not mix my metaphors).

When it came our time to ascend the platform to meet our Apprentice maker I strategically took a seat directly opposite the casting director, who I was told was one of the winners of a previous episode - and apparently won the enviable job of running one of The Donald's Apprentice audition tables - no Bill Ranic here ladies and gentlemen. After handing in our applications we were given a topic and told to debate it. Our topic was "dating in the work place: for or against". Well, despite my best laid plans of taking a leading position, I hung back while one or two other leader types thrust their positions out there and several others flocked to support. While I waited for an opening (and for something profound to come to be about dating in the workplace) the debate swirled around me. There was Brian, a dorky IT type who was calmly enumerating the reasons why dating at the workplace should be officially banned by a company, Cody, a sharp young banker who argued that there should be no such oppressiveness in the workplace and N.T., a freshly minted Wharton MBA and current HR employee at Goldman Sachs - and the only female applicant in our group - taking a wishy washy middle of the road stance. After I had made a few lame attempts at interjecting - my comments all got steamrolled over - some nit wit sitting two seats to my left, suggested that we each take our turn stating our position. What a crap idea that was, I thought. That's no way to debate? That would take up our entire time and, hey, if someone couldn't hijack the swirl of conversation and state their position, they shouldn't be on The Apprentice. But of course, everyone nodded and applauded the idea so we went around the table and put forth our position. When it was my turn with the conch I said something lame like "you can't stop love, kids. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen. It is best to have a more positive method for addressing this than an all out ban". Great Arol....next?

Almost as soon as we had begun, our time was up. The casting director / Trump minion asked us to quickly go around and choose who, other than ourselves, we would pick to be our project leader. Cody nominated the wingnut who had suggested the equal time rule, apparently in recognition of his ability to come up with a really stupid idea. Then the wingnut turned around and nominated Cody. Brian nominated N.T., I guess for comfortably straddling the issue and I nominated Brian for doing what I had wanted to do - take the first and apparently controversial stand. While the casting director did not outright say this, I am fairly certain that the first screen for the next round were those who were chosen to be project managers. I assume they would want the final 16 contestants to be a group of all proposed project leaders. We were told that if we were chosen we would be called later that day. My phone never rang. Oh well, at least I got to meet The Donald.....sort of, and it will be fun to see if any of the people from my group are actually on the show when it airs in the summer. Go Brian!